Friday, June 14, 2013

Freedom

I've realized after some intense thought that, like many human souls, the one thing I really want is freedom. Freedom to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. I want to be the person I was before I was five years old—the person who didn't care what others thought of me. The person who did what she wanted to do.

I can remember being called a care-free child. People admired me for it. But then I went to school and quickly learned that the world wasn't such an accepting place. It doesn't want care-free kids running around freely expressing themselves. It wants to judge you and make you feel bad about being a care free kid.

But now in my old age, or older age anyway, I realize that the world was—and is—wrong. Care-free kids should be celebrated. We should be free to be who we are—not judged and punished for it. And I'm talking about being creative and childlike. So if you're going to comment on this post, comment under those terms. Please don't leave comments like—"Well, what about people who are serial killers? Should they be free to do what they want?" If you do comment like that, you're just proving my point. So don't be a judgmental, faultfinding, know-it-all snipe. Anyway, now I've wandered off of my original point.

Freedom. Freedom to be who you are. And that's what I want. Freedom. And now I'm thinking that publishing this will only cause others to judge me. Do I care? Maybe not. But I probably do.

It's fearful thing for me—as it is for most everyone. Judgment. School bullies, douche bag bosses, "so called" friends, relationship liars, and the list goes on of people who make you realize that humanity sets up its own "love thy neighbor" rules.

But I don't want to get bogged down in the pity process. My point is that I want the ability to be free. I want to be free to be me and do what I want. I want to be free from my own worries. I want freedom damn it. And so should you.

5 comments:

Susan said...

Parts of this post could have been written by me...probably written by any one of us. I am experiencing a new freedom, one that you know was given to me in the blink of an eye. I'm learning not to feel guilty about enjoying life on my own. Not feeling guilty about the profound relief that I am experiencing in this new normal. I didn't even realize how stressed I was. Now any stress I have now is all mine and I am using this freedom to own it and to even use it. Thanks for this post and thanks so much for the support you have given me these past few months. You may not have know that you were giving me this support, but just knowing that you had gone through a similar event gave me courage and drive to embrace this new life and it's freedom. I think you have your freedom, you may just have to come to grips with acknowledging it. Thanks again.

kathyj333 said...

Wow Susan Thank you. It is a kind of freedom isn't it?

Richard said...

I have to say, I'm so compelled by your post. I too absolutely love freedom of expression, freedom of being child-like. One of my biggest joys is dancing. Just recently at a pool party a great song came on from the 80's (sorry I'm dating myself here) and all the guys and girls go into a dance. Everyone had their own creative dances. We all felt like kids, laughed and were totally carefree. :) It's moments like these that I wish were everyday :)

L A U R A said...

I love how we are free on our blogs. Mine is my one place to really be myself and express myself. If anyone doesn't like it or accept it, there's always the delete button, lol. If only life were like that...

kathyj333 said...

Hey Laura, Thanks for stopping by. And thanks for the insights. You're right. There is certainly a delete button.